Diane: I wanted to share this story with Matthew that I wrote during a particularly difficult time with my health. It’s about how his song “Truth Be Told” spoke to me.
“Lie number one you’re supposed to have it all together. And when they ask how you’re doing Just smile and tell them, “Never better.” Lie number two everybody’s life is perfect except yours. So keep your messes and your wounds and your secrets safe with you behind closed doors.” – From the song “Truth Be Told”
I was zooming with a college friend yesterday and when she asked how I was doing, I almost fell into my cookie cutter response, “Oh, I’m fine.” Usually when I say I am fine, I’m actually not. Yesterday, the truth came tumbling out. I had a very serious nerve pain issue on Friday and couldn’t stand without my husband lifting me out of bed under ten level pain. I would have gone to the emergency room if I physically could have. My lovely, caring, listening friend heard it all. Her sincere responses made me know she was truly interested in my situation and that I didn’t need to put on my happy face with her. I do tend to pretend all is well, especially if someone asks. Who wants to hear all my woes? Generally speaking, I think it’s a healthy practice not to tell everyone how you really are.
Those of us who suffer with chronic pain are never fine. And there’s not a lot of positive things that can come from dwelling on it. But there’s a fine line between being positive and stuffing your “I am not fine” feelings. I know “stuffing” to be lethal. The lightbulb moment came when she said, “You know saying we’re okay all the time is really a bunch of garbage.” I felt an immense sense of freedom hearing that. Like it was okay to shout, “I am really not okay right now!” When did I get to the place where I accepted the lie in Matthew West’s song that “I’m supposed to have it all together?” Or how about the rest of the telling lyrics……
“I say I’m fine, yeah I’m fine oh I’m fine, hey I’m fine but I’m not I’m broken. And when it’s out of control I say it’s under control but it’s not, and you know it. I don’t know why it’s so hard to admit it When being honest is the only way to fix it.”
Today, I’m getting honest. I am not fine. It’s all out of control. Sometimes things are just awfully bad. I for one am tired of holding it all together. And who says we have to? Sometimes, good things happen when we get real. Other people hear our struggles and don’t feel like they are alone in their pain. I’ve often given thanks for the courageous authors who have written books and songs about their pain and sufferings that have helped me feel less like I’m on an island of one.
I’ve considered it might be a bit prideful for me to suffer in silence, thinking I couldn’t possibly help someone else by opening up. I remember the day I first heard Matthew’s song. I was driving home from physical therapy and heard it on the Christian radio channel, The Message on Sirius radio. When a song truly speaks to you, it moves you to tears. That’s what happened to me. Did you ever feel like someone wrote the exact words that were in your heart? It’s a “stand still, block everything out” kind of moment. What if he never sang it? What if I never heard it? It would have been a loss I would have never known I’d missed. I’ve loved the song for a long time. Last night, when I was getting ready for bed, the refrain played in my head, strolling around my mind like an old companion paying a visit. I’m just so happy my friend’s words helped remind me of it when I needed it most.
“Truth be told, the truth is rarely told.” This may be my favorite line in the song. There can be great healing in the sharing of our truths if we are brave enough and strong enough to peel back the curtain and do it. I hope I’m one of the brave ones.
From my blog: Home | 90 Days At The Beach (dhcarter13.wixsite.com)
