Don’t Give Up

“When we walked out of the doctor's office, they handed us a brochure for a funeral home and headstones.”

Don’t Give Up

Tamara: My first son is a miracle. At 2 months of age, he had a grand mal seizure, and had to be transported to a bigger hospital. The pastor came into the waiting room to tell us Brandon only had a 10 percent chance to live and probably would not even make it through the ride. He made it to the hospital and was on life support for two months and the doctor asked me to pull him off the ventilator. I called my mom in tears. My mom said, “me and the church are on our way.” We prayed a circle around Brandon and asked for complete healing. Two days later, the nurse called and said, “you need to get down here NOW!” I ran to my son’s side; he was awake, breathing on his own, and was fine. HOW? They said, “how is he breathing, and looking around, and crying?” I said “GOD!!” After a couple years of medication, he is completely healed and you cannot even tell that happened to him at two months old. He is now 22 years old.

My second son, Chance, was born with an eye condition that makes his vision worse as he gets older. One of the conditions is called Nystagmus. I heard from many people that he won’t make it through school. Well, he walks, talks, and is graduating HIGH SCHOOL this year! Yesterday I was filling out invitations to his graduation and I just started crying and told my Mom, “I can’t believe how great our God is.”

When Chance was three, we wanted another child. I got pregnant in January, but two-month into the pregnancy, I was told the baby’s heart had stopped. The doctors told me to just go on with my life and nature will take its course. Fast forward to July of that year, I was in pain and kept going to the doctor and they told me I was fine. One day I  went to work, and when I went to stand up I was delivering a baby. My boss, who was also a Christian, told me to lay down and she delivered the baby. She did everything she could to get this precious baby to breathe, but it was too late. I started crying and as they took me away in the ambulance, she said, “oh dear LORD, give Tamara the strength to get through this battle and hold her tight.”

That’s when I started my fertility journey. We did IVF, I was put into menopause and taken out. No matter what I did, I was not getting pregnant and after three years I gave up. I felt so selfish. I had children and was blessed, but always felt like my family was incomplete. I watched friends and family get pregnant and have babies over and over. I put on a strong face, but inside I was broken. Chance said at age 6, “Mom, I want a sibling.” I told him to pray and if GOD wants me to have another one, it will happen. Two weeks before I became pregnant with Taranis, I got on my knees and just cried out to GOD and said “WHY, WHY ME? This is not fair. Why am I unable to have children anymore?”

When I got pregnant with Taranis, the doctor told me I was very high risk. We got in the car and I told my other half, “hold on and don’t give up. This is about to be a wild ride.” When I told Chance (15 years old at the time), he started crying and said, “for real?” I said YES! He hugged me and cried. He said, “I have been praying for so many years.”

We went in for an ultrasound and they said I would have to be watched every week. My placenta was trying to turn into a wall, and that would kill the baby. Then they said he only had a one cord vessel and it looked like it was going through his lungs and heart and at birth he would die, and also he has club feet. The doctors said we had two options: further testing or abortion. I just started crying…WHY is this happening to me again? We chose further testing, of course. When we walked out of the doctor’s office, they handed us a brochure for a funeral home and headstones. On the way home, my other half pulled over and got me out of the car and we cried.

Three weeks later, we went into the exam room with all the doctors and after a 6 hour ultrasound, the doctor said, “we have no idea how he is alive but the cord is not going through anything. It missed all the vital organs.” As soon as we got to the car, I went to my knees and THANKED GOD that He was saving our son. I knew that we had other challenges ahead, but that one was all GOD.

On a Friday at my appointment, they said, “your son is not getting a lot of oxygen and you will need to be admitted to the hospital on Monday. Every day you need to come in for an ultrasound.” On Saturday morning I was 30 weeks along. When they did the ultrasound, Taranis was not breathing. Full oxygen was put on me and they took me in an ambulance to the hospital the next town over, because this hospital could not deal with little babies. The doctors came in and said I was going in for an emergency C-section. I told them I was on blood thinners, and they said they couldn’t take him for 12 hours. That 12 hours I prayed and prayed and prayed. My mom was with her women’s group at church when she got the call, and my other half said, “PRAY, please pray!” BTW- he did not believe before Taranis. They all started praying for me and my son. I had never had a surgery in my life.  So, for my mother it was her daughter and her grandson’s life. My mother lives 9 hours away from me. The next day she got in her car and drove as fast as she could down to us.

The doctor came in and said, “your son probably won’t make it once he is delivered. If he needs oxygen, we will take him away and you won’t get to see him.” He came out crying at a whole 2 pounds and they brought him over to me and no oxygen! The only thing wrong with Taranis is that he is missing his left thumb, but you would never know if! He did not need oxygen, he did not need any life saving drugs, he was fine and was so awake…oh, and no club feet. They said he would never walk, that everything would be delayed and we would be lucky if he talked. He is a breathing, walking miracle and beside food allergies (still praying for healing over that), and a missing thumb he is a normal 3-year-old that walks, talks (omg, the talking) and is in early preschool because he is so smart. When we go see the doctors, they say they have no idea how this is all possible. I always say, “it was GOD.” They just look at me.

I was putting laundry away and Matthew’s song came on my playlist and I stopped in my tracks and started crying. All three of my kids are miracles, but from the beginning they said Taranis has no life and we never gave up hope. Taranis is truly our walking, talking miracle. As soon as I heard the song, I did a Facebook reel to the song with Taranis’ picture. My Mother said, “who is singing that?” after she got done crying, and I said Mathew West and she put the same thing up.

There are people back home where my mother lives that still always want to see Taranis and still pray over him. They all have watched his story and prayed and kept praying for him. Taranis has his own fan base at home lol. We are trying for another child, and it has been another road of disappointments, but GOD told me, “don’t give up, My child. It’s in My timing.” A lot of people keep asking, “why have another child after everything you have been through with Taranis?” Why? Because I feel as if one more child is supposed to be a part of this family. I have God and I fully trust Him that if we are meant to be parents again, it will happen even though we go through a lot of heartbreaks.

I asked my mom once why all my kids have had problems, “why can’t I have normal kids?” My mom said, “your kids are normal and God only gives kids that need a little help to the mothers that can handle it. And Tamara, my daughter, you are a rock star.” I cried… How right was she? God knew my kids needed me to be their mother.

“When we go see the doctors, they say they have no idea how this is all possible. I always say, ‘it was GOD.’”

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Matthew likes to call the moment he decided to follow God his " Blue Couch" moment. When you craft your story, you can share your "Blue Couch" moment or other stories where you have seen God at work in your life.
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