Michelle: My father died from suicide when my mother was seven months pregnant with me. As my sister and I got a little older, she braved the world of dating again. Unfortunately, she dated a guy that sexually abused my sister and me. Even through that my mother clung to her faith in God to help her walk through the feelings that came from not protecting us from harm. She also helped teach my sister and I how to walk through forgiving our abuser.
My Blue Couch moment happened when I was seven years old. In September 1990, a Christian group known as the Power Team came to my hometown of Lincoln, Nebraska to do several days of shows. In case you aren’t aware of the Power Team, they were a group of bodybuilders that went around the country performing and speaking about Christ. This particular event occurred a few months after all the court decisions convicting my abuser. I had been feeling so much shame and powerlessness because of what had happened to me. I watched in amazement as these guys did unbelievable things like carrying a full-size refrigerator on their back through our auditorium. Then the speaker started talking about what gave them this power and ability. It was Jesus Christ.
My mother raised us in a Christian home, and she was also instrumental in showing her parents that you can have a personal relationship with God. Jesus and God were not unknown to me, but I didn’t know Jesus and God personally. I didn’t know that the God of the Old Testament was still doing these amazing things today. With my mother by my side, I made the decision to ask Jesus into my life. I didn’t want to be powerless anymore. Over the years I realized they were speaking of a spiritual power, but I know with Him at my side fighting for me I will never be that powerless again. I continue to battle depression and anxiety as a result of the abuse, but I know where my refuge is. I would never have survived secondary infertility and other marital trauma without Him as my refuge.
