I grew up in a home with an abusive alcoholic father. I repeated the cycle. The man I married was not an alcoholic, but he is an abusive and manipulative man. Emotionally, I left the marriage a bunch of times, but I knew God didn’t like divorce. We sought out counseling through our church when my middle child was a newborn, because I wanted to do my best to work things out and figure out what I was doing wrong. God blessed us with a third baby unexpectedly. From the day I became pregnant, I prayed ALL. THE. TIME. I asked God to give us a son if the girls and I were ever going to need protection. During the pregnancy, it again became too unsafe. My pregnancy was being affected, so my girls and I left.
We were gone a month before our housing options ran out. The whole drive home I cried. I knew it wasn’t safe and it would only be a matter of time before we would have to leave again. Our son was born in December of 2017. The cycles of abuse just kept getting worse and worse. I was convinced I wasn’t worthy of feeling safe, that my feelings weren’t valid, and I must be doing something wrong. A really good friend’s dad is one of the pastors of the church we go to. Things had gotten to the point that the girls were so afraid of him that when he spoke to them, they would come crawl in my lap or cover themselves with a blanket and were afraid to even go near him. I needed help, but I was afraid. My friend’s mother (the pastor’s wife) and I got together a couple times and then I broke down and let it out. A few days later she asked to get together. She told me that this was above their knowledge, and that she and her husband went to Harbor House (local domestic abuse shelter) to learn all they could on the subject. My friend’s parents said they would be praying for us, and that they would be there for us and help in any way they can. I had been praying for years on what to do. Every step I took was God showing/telling me what the next step should be. I knew God was giving me the go ahead to leave, but I was so scared. After talking with Harbor House for a couple of months and visiting the shelter, I knew it was time.
On August 30th, 2019, while my husband was working, I packed a suitcase with 2 or 3 outfits for each of us and left to start a new journey. We pulled up in front of Harbor House just as a song on the radio was ending. The next song was Rescue by Lauren Daigle. With tears rolling down my face, I listened to the song, turned off the van, looked up to the sky and mouthed “thank you”, wiped the tears away, and walked through the doors of our safe haven. Christian radio has been my lifeline. God has spoken to me through so many songs, especially after leaving my marriage. He continues to show me the way and continues to put the people in my life that I need. He continues to send blessings and shows me every step I have to take.
Three months after leaving the shelter, the Covid pandemic shut down everything. My world felt even more turned upside down. Matthew, you will never know or understand how much you reaching out to the world impacted my kids and me. Between your in-home concerts and QQT, my kiddos (who today are 6, 4, and 3) and I found peace and comfort. We would cuddle up together and watch on my phone. To see my babies raising their hands in worship and singing along to every word gave me so much courage and strength. “Quarantine Life” is still my kids’ favorite.
“Take Heart” struck me to the core. I made a Playlist on YouTube of the two versions I could find and I would play it on repeat for hours at a time. It really spoke to me on such a personal level. I’m so incredibly thankful for God giving you the talent you have. The timing of that song was so perfect. A friend gave me a ticket and we will see you perform at Lifest!!! I am so incredibly thankful for the wonderful support, friends, and people God put in my life. All things happen for a reason. God has a plan for it all. It’s not easy to accept all the time but I am who I am because of all that I have been through. My verse for strength…Joshua 1:9. God bless you popwe. I am so incredibly thankful for all that you do.
