The Box in The Attic

The Box in The Attic

By Erica Rivera

Since the beginning
From a broken home
Not wanted
My birth was not planned
It should have never happened,
according to my dad.
When I was born, my mother cried
Because I was a girl
She did not want me to suffer
In the same way she was suffering
Abandoned by the love of her life
I was a little girl
Pure at heart
With a broken mother and absent dad
Why God?
Why? cries my broken heart
What did I do to deserve that life?
Why did you send me
to Earth with a broken heart?
Memories of pain and suffering
Stored away in a small box in the attic
I was only five
When my innocence was gone
Why God?
Why? cries my broken heart
What did I do to deserve that?
Was I the one?
Why was I there?
How did I get there?
So many questions
running through my head
You asked me to open the door
to the small box in the attic
Why God? You were there
Why did you not defend me
Instead you looked away
What did I do to you, God,
that even you walked away?
Was I not good enough
to deserve your love?
Or were you just playing deaf?
How can I love?
How can I trust you
when you walked away?
A little girl being abused
Over and over again
Not to remember
takes the pain away
A bunch of memories
stored away in small box
in the attic

A 20-year-old woman
Pretending to be okay
Getting her heart broken
Over and over again
A promise you made
To change my life
To make it new again
But you knew
I had some things hiding away
Why God? Why?
Why did you want me to suffer again? My heart is broken
I just need somebody
to love me again
Am I not good enough
that you push everyone away?
Why do you pretend to love me
just to hurt me again?
Was it not enough
to give you my life anyway?
Why God? Why?
Please leave my memories alone
Do not torture me
by making me relive them again
I cannot anymore
Take this pain away
I was only five
when you walked away
Forgive me for not loving you
But I cannot pretend
that a loving father
would just walk away

When you were in distress
My hands were covering you
I did not walk away
I could not do much
Because evil was there
But my daughter
I promise you
I remember your pain
I covered you
when he walked away
Those memories
you stored in a box
I want them now
to make them go away

How can I trust you
when you just said
you were there?
I’m tired
I just want to run away

No, my daughter
It is time to start again
Trust Me
I will show you the way
A step of faith is what
you are asking of me?
What if I fail?
You are with me now
I will not let you fail
Remember that day?
when everything was well
You were five
A little princess in a carriage
With a tiara and a bouquet
Everything was okay
A little child
Just waiting
To be a princess again
A loving grandfather
who would remember you
when everyone else walked away
Remember when you were happy Dancing and playing in third grade
Remember the time
You were crying
and you got a handkerchief
I have always been there
Through the good and the bad
Let’s take this last step
and open the box you stored
and throw it away
You are my daughter
The apple of my eye
I promise you
Everything will be okay

The final step is
to trust you with my pain?
Father, here it is
Take this pain away
Renew my heart
and show me how to love

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