Becca: MCAS, POTS, EDS, OA, VSS. God has given me an alphabet soup of rare diagnoses that cause immense pain and suffering. But I can honestly say that God is good all the time. My chronic pain began in high school almost 20 years ago. But it has really been in the last year and a half that I’ve been dealing with all these issues. In a nutshell, one rare disorder causes heart problems. Two of them cause severe joint pain. And another one causes migraines and vision problems. The last one can cause all the above as well as severe allergic reactions to just about anything, including things I am not even allergic to, like skunks, heat, and sunshine. I can even have reactions to things that I’ve never reacted to before, which makes eating anything like playing Russian roulette because anything I eat or even touch, could cause anaphylaxis and kill me.
I’m explaining all this not to get pity but to help you realize what God brings me through every day, because without Him, I couldn’t do any of this. For many years, I spent all my time feeling sorry for myself and being angry with God for allowing these things to happen, but then God came and changed my heart. He helped me to understand what He was doing in all of this; He was using my crazy story to help others. I’ve been able to connect to and inspire many people with my story already, which is a huge gift. I’m just the instrument that He’s using to change other lives, but that is an incredible thing!
The song that most fits my life is Wonderful Life. “It’s a broken and beautiful, gone mad and magical, awfully wonderful life”. My life isn’t always wonderful, it’s full of pain, but it is a wonderful, joyful life. Now, I spend my time serving God at the Gospel of Life Dwelling (GOLD), which is an end-of-life ministry in which we care for people before they go home to God. Mother Theresa once said, “I can do no great things, only small things with great love”. This is so true for me. My disabilities cause muscle weakness and fatigue, so most of the time I’m in a wheelchair, and I can’t even stand on my own at times. My wheelchair makes it obvious that I can’t do big things, but I can do small ones, such as feeding those who can’t feed themselves. That’s one of my main jobs at GOLD. I also pray with our residents and keep them company, because we don’t just take care of them, we make them part of our family. We see each one as not just as an opportunity to serve, but Jesus in disguise. Many don’t have money or family. We’ve even had people come with nothing more than the hospital gown they came in. I’ve met some of the most incredible people here, and I’ve witnessed many deaths that were beautiful.
Most people don’t want to think about death, but here we’re surrounded by it. Each one of us could die at any time, and we need to be ready for that. I face death every day, not only because I’m around people who are dying, but because I’m surrounded by things that could kill me. I’m ready for when the time comes, and I’m even looking forward to it, because heaven will be amazing! I serve because I believe that we are called to love one another in concrete ways, such as words and deeds. I want to meet Jesus and have Him say “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Come share in your Master’s joy”. There is a beauty in pain, suffering, and death that we only see when we have the courage to face these uncomfortable things. I’ve seen people who had no family die peacefully surrounded by family, who were singing and praying with them. That’s a beautiful death because you can really see love at work. And remember, God is love.
I’ve found more joy in serving these amazing people than I thought I’d ever be able to have. That’s a God thing. Only God could take pain and suffering like this and turn it into something beautiful, but He does! Each day, I choose to follow in Jesus’ footsteps by joyfully picking up my cross and serving Him by serving the least of my brothers and sisters. It’s not always easy or pretty, but boy, is it worth it. I’m reminded of that each time I see one of His children pass on surrounded by love, and therefore by God. I have hope and joy because I know that death is not the end, it is just a transition into eternity. God is good, and eternity will be great!
