My name is Suzie, and this is my testimony of God’s strength.
Three months ago, I was faced with a dark season. This is a season I never asked for and never thought in a million years I would ever have to go through. I was lied to, and almost broken. My heart was shattered, and I felt numb to everything. I had no clue how this could happen. How could someone who is supposed to be my life partner do something like this?
Being a recovering alcoholic, I could have easily fallen back to drinking to forget everything that was happening. But instead, I choose to turn to God, my Bible, and my pastor. You could say I choose the high road instead of the lonely, dead-end road. I thought I was doing well, and I was trying my hardest to keep my head up and be as strong as I could. Yet, it hurt, and I was emotionally tired. In reality, I was spiraling and not doing well at all. I felt like I was in tunnel vision and couldn’t get out. I then took the first step in healing by admitting to myself I needed help and reached out to talk with a counselor. Admitting out loud that I needed help emotionally and mentally and that I was not ok, was a huge step in getting through this. In all this
I was getting signs that I needed to let go of everything I was holding onto. Which I really thought I had done. But in truth I was not listening to what God was saying to me. Until one Saturday morning. I got a message from a friend checking in on me to see how I was doing. After talking with her I felt God telling me I need to let go of everything I am holding on to so I could start to really heal. So, I said a simple prayer that morning before getting ready for the day. After saying the prayer, God started working in my heart. During different times throughout the day, I wanted to leave where I was. But God said “No, you need to stay put. You need to be with others around you.” I soon realized I was right where I need to be, and I am stronger than I realized. I also realized that I was truly holding onto some parts, and I needed to let go and let God work through me to heal.
I am blessed beyond words that I have an awesome support system that knows when I am having a rough time or trying to fake it. I realize that I don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s ok for me to show my emotions and show that I am human. And it’s “ok” to not be “ok” and most importantly it’s “ok” to have bad days.
I am thankful to God and His guidance and the love He has shown me. He has put people in my path through all of this storm for one reason or another. I am grateful for the little reminders He is showing me to keep my head up. I know my path of healing is going to be a long journey and it is not going to be easy. There are going to be tough days and easy days. If it was meant to be easy, then it wouldn’t be called a storm. I am ready to see what God has in store for me no matter how long it takes.
Psalm 27:14 “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”
