Thank God

“Jesus, please take me home…”

Thank God

Kathleen:  Not the healing I wanted…thank goodness, God knew better what I needed. In late 2016 and 2017 I was suffering from a crippling case of Bi-Polar disorder.

My doctor prescribed me several different antidepressants, however, all of them left me with feelings of deep depression and high anxiety. By mid-January, my husband and I agreed to discontinue all medication and look for a more holistic treatment. I was on antidepressants for a total of SIX WEEKS when I began the withdrawal process. By mid-April, I was finally feeling free from the effects of the medication and 30 pounds lighter. My anxiety was greatly reduced and my depression was almost a non-issue. Then a week later, after a nice hot soak in the tub, I started experiencing weird “pins and needles” in my left leg, from the knee to my ankle. I tried rubbing, slapping it, walking around the house-nothing worked and I ended up going to bed hours later with the buzz still going strong.

Within a month, the buzz had moved to my entire left side, from the neck down. Another month down the road and it was on my right side also. Trips to my doctor, the neurologist, MRI, CAT scan, EEG, EMG proved fruitless- except now I had a name. Spontaneous Paresthesia. You know when your foot falls asleep and in the “waking up” process you get the feeling of pins and needles? By the middle of June, paresthesia was affecting my entire body. One day, while working around the house with my husband, I became completely unglued when I started feeling my stomach, intestines, internal organs, all buzzing. Everywhere I have nerve endings I felt buzzing. By July, 2017, I felt like I had bugs crawling in my ears, fleas stuck up my nose, lice crawling around my scalp, and the force of buzzing was starting to hurt. Every night before going to bed I only had one prayer, “Jesus, please take me home. I don’t want to wake up in this bed again.”

Soon, I was no longer able to sleep at night because of the violent buzzing. I listened exclusively to Christian Radio (KLOVE) and one day I heard a song that spoke to the heart of my fear. Toby Mac’s “MOVE” said it better than I was able to articulate: “I know your heart’s been broke again, I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet. I know you feel like you’ve got nothing left. But just lift your head… It ain’t over yet.”

Within a month I would find another neurologist who still didn’t have a clue as to what the cause of my paresthesia was, but he did have medication that might be helpful. –IT WAS! Within a few days I was sleeping again. I could sit down again. I could think clearly again. Paresthesia ceased to be the center of my universe. Do I still have paresthesia? YES. I stopped touching my face long before covid because I hate the numb/tingling feeling I get every time I touch my nose, ears, chin, eyes. Within a year, my prayer each night changed from “Jesus, take me home”  to “Thank you Lord for paresthesia.”

My relationship with my God was good, now it’s deep. I am 67 years old and I know…”it ain’t over yet.”  I just got back from my second mission trip to Amman, Jordan where I had the privilege of teaching Iraqi refugee women sewing skills. I didn’t get the healing I wanted- what I got was so much better. I haven’t had another bi-polar incident since January 2017. By experiencing paresthesia, God was giving me a crash course to knowing and trusting Him.


“I didn’t get the healing I wanted- what I got was so much better.”

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