Blair: Every story has a beginning. Even God’s Word says “In the beginning” Genesis 1:1. So here’s how my beginning led me to where I am now. I was born into a “Christian” home. We went to church, we went to Youth Group, and we participated in missionary activities at the church. But there was not a Bible to be seen in our whole house. I’m the first of three children, the Type A, do everything right, be the perfect kid. That’s great, but try being that way with a mother who was emotionally, psychologically, verbally, and sometimes, very rarely, physically abusive.
I didn’t have a traditional mother-daughter relationship doing things together. I was a good student- no- I had to be a perfect student. When my brother was born, the last child, it was made very clear who the favorite child was. My sister and I were knocked out of place because we were girls. So, in the beginning, I was not the gender my mother wanted me to be. As the years went by, it was more of the same treatment with little in the way of any faith journey or building a relationship with Jesus. When I began having children, the stress of that sent me over the edge. The depression and anxiety were debilitating. I felt like I was in a valley and didn’t know how to climb out. My husband was a pastor and even then my faith was very shallow.
Things continued to spiral out of control and I ended up in the psychiatric ward of the hospital three times. Sadly, some of those times were because of suicide attempts. The whole of 2011 I basically spent in bed. I felt hopeless, useless, exhausted, unworthy, scared, anxious, and I could go on. I finally got a doctor who tweaked my medication so that I could go about “normal” life. Two weeks after my last stay in the hospital, my husband of 18 years passed away at the age of 44 on Christmas Eve. My boys were 17,15, 11, and 9.
This is where the story of my new life in Christ began. Just like there were medication changes, there were also church changes that led to soul changes. I could actually hear God. I wanted to learn everything about Him. The more I began leaning into Him, the more He leaned into me. I lost my dad two years before my husband and my mom three years after my husband. But I was as ok as ok could be given the circumstances life has, is, and will be. That’s life. I am so thankful for the valleys because then I was able to enjoy the mountain tops. God has a reason for me being here. Understand that my life still hasn’t been perfect. I’ve had many financial difficulties. I’ve had difficulties being a man to four boys not knowing what it means to be a dad. But I know 100% that all of these “tragedies” and “valleys” led me to “triumphs” and “mountain tops” because God has a plan that I can’t see. He is with me ALL the time. He puts people in my life that help me grow- friends, pastors, and family. He inspires me through music. The words hit me in just the right place and at just the right time. I’m thankful for the music of Matthew West, Chris Tomlin, Mercy Me, Toby Mac, Zach Williams and so many other talented musicians that bring God to me. I love music but I love my Savior even more. And so my story continues until God takes me home to live with Him in glory. My past doesn’t dictate my future and my past doesn’t change my relationship with Jesus Christ. I’m so very loved by a God who loves me unconditionally. Guess what? He loves you that much, too.
