Bella: My name is Bella and I’m 15 years old. I went to church when I was younger but I questioned God. And I was like, ‘if other religions have a book like the Bible, how do I know Christianity is real?’ At Vacation Bible School (VBS) one year, I prayed to Jesus with a group leader for Him to save me and be my Savior and she told me when somebody gets saved all the angels start singing hallelujah. I went on living my life and then I got baptized in the Methodist church but not really for the right reasons. So I went on with living.
When I was in seventh grade, I started to have friend problems. During eighth grade the girls I thought were my friends had practically ditched me, all except for one who caught onto that friend group not really welcoming us anymore. That one girl became my only friend. The church I was going to on Wednesday nights got a new youth pastor named Emmett and I started going to church. There were some days when I didn’t want to go to church because I felt like I didn’t have any friends there, but I kept going. I downloaded the YouVersion Bible App on my phone for when we would read Scripture. I started looking on the app one night and saw all the devotionals and verse of the day things and I wanted to start doing that stuff, especially since it was Christmas time and I wanted to do Christmas plans.
Jesus found me and gradually had me cultivate a relationship with Him. I started to do devotionals, pray, and do the verse of the day. I started to live for Jesus. That summer, my youth group went to a church camp called Fuge. It was one of the greatest things ever because I started following Jesus and I didn’t worry about friends because I can’t make them accept me. But Jesus calls me His child. Lord Jesus actually gave me friends on that trip and I now have a friendship with a girl in the grade below me. I rededicated my life to Jesus that summer. Then I started having sin problems and I finally had to open up to my dad and just tell someone what I was struggling with. Things got better so don’t keep things to yourself.
Later that summer, I felt like I needed to be baptized and I asked God for a sign if I needed to be and He gave me one. I ignored it and put it off for a while, but one day I had finally decided I wanted to be baptized. I didn’t want to have to go up into the front of the church, so my dad got me to talk to the Senior Pastor about getting baptized and he wanted me to come up to the front of the church during invitation when I was ready. And, finally I was going to do it. I prayed to God for His Holy Spirit to be with me and help me to do it. Because of God, I was able to go up to the front of the church with my dad and tell the church I wanted to be baptized. It was one of the best feelings ever. I got to be baptized by my youth pastor on November 6, 2022. I got baptized for real that time- I got dunked and came up clean.
I hit a dark patch that Christmas with barely being able to believe God, because my mind just denied so much, but I kept praying and God eventually pulled me out of that season. Prayer became my life line and God would answer my prayers. I thought I was all alone in what happened to me that Christmas, but earlier this year I got a book called “Get Out of Your Head” by Jennie Allen and she went through something very similar. We aren’t alone in our struggles.
Now, in 2023, I’m trying to live for Jesus each and everyday and I’m struggling sometimes with how to do that. But God has pulled me out of the unthinkable and God has never left me. God really loves you. No matter what, Jesus loves you! Just keep praying. God is faithful, just trust Him.
I went to a Matthew West concert (it was awesome!) and got to pray again for Jesus to come into my hear. I got to hear the song “Me On Your Mind” performed live and that is one song that I can connect with and just sing. I learned from that concert that God loves to hear the sound of our voice no matter how long it’s been, and that we just need to trust and believe in Jesus.
I’m proud to say I believe in Jesus and I trust Him wherever He’s taking me. Let God define you, not your sin.
