He Is My Refuge

"...My husband went on his biggest rampage yet."

He Is My Refuge

Alicia: On October 13, 2015, my husband went on his biggest rampage yet. He started off the day by breaking my phone and upsetting our 5-yr-old autistic son who hit him and said, “Daddy, you need to find a new home!” Later that day, while driving, my husband pointed a gun at me and said he would kill me. Our son was also in the car and he yelled, “No you’re not daddy!” My husband replied, “Yes I am.” I was so emotionally and spiritually drained. When we got home, I went straight to the garage, desperately searching for an old phone. While searching for a phone, I cried out to God, “God, I know this is not your plan for my life! I don’t deserve this and that little boy certainly doesn’t deserve this life. God, show me your will. Get me out of this situation and show me what to do. God, make it obvious!” Hours later, when I came back inside, my husband hit me, pushed me into the wall by my neck, screamed at me and pushed me down, all while we had a friend staying with us! The friend staying with us said he was going for a walk. I begged him not to go but he insisted it was ok. Amazingly, my husband allowed him to leave. (Little did I know he would call 911!)

As I was sitting on my bed, with my little boy asleep at my feet, my husband said, again, he was going to kill me, then himself, and said, “Somehow God will make it okay for our son to grow up without parents.” He put a fully-loaded gun to my head, turned the safety off, cocked the hammer, put the bullet in the chamber, and had his finger on the trigger. I was paralyzed. There was nothing I could do, nowhere to go, no way to get away or defend myself. I prayed, “God help me. Don’t allow my son to go through this anymore.” Split-seconds later, the police knocked on my door. Miraculously, I was able to get away from my husband and rushed over to the door. As soon as I opened the door, the police ushered me to the front yard. By the time I turned around, my husband was in handcuffs and was escorted to a police car. That 911 call saved my life by split-seconds.

Though it’s been 18 months, our divorce isn’t yet final and we’re still waiting for jury trial on his felony charges. I’ve chosen to forgive my husband, to forgive someone who’s not sorry and doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. But through God’s grace, my forgiveness has given me peace. I have chosen to entrust justice to God. I thank God every day for showing me the “OBVIOUS!” He is preparing me for something big. I have found strength, courage, peace and confidence in knowing my deepest pain is becoming my mission, passion and ministry. That moment, when a loaded gun was pointed at my head, I thought it was the end. But now, I see that night as my new beginning. God saved me. He is my refuge. God is good. My burden is light. Who could ask for more?

"God saved me. He is my refuge."

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